amy courts: en route


It’s Your Company That I Miss…
April 4, 2010, 7:14 pm
Filed under: Home Life, Music

About three months after Paul and I started dating, he made a temporary move to Tucson, AZ.

It totally sucked.

Despite the fact that we spoke on the phone for hours every night, those first weeks apart (and especially those first days) were utterly miserable. I felt lost. And it wasn’t that I was obsessive about him or dependent on him for breath; but when you lose your better half for any time or reason, there’s a huge emptiness left in its place.

But as weeks turned into months, we learned to deal. We made a concerted effort to talk every single night, and we didn’t dodge the tougher topics. We had many a knock-down-drag-out over the phone, trying to hash through and work out the horned edges of our relationship.

And we learned to communicate. Boy, did we learn to communicate. When you don’t have facial expressions to clue each other into sarcasm or joking, you learn to say precisely what you mean as you intend it to be heard. Otherwise, you end up taking chunks from each other’s hides. And that’s never good. (Trust me.)

Every day, I was increasingly grateful that absence, in our case, was growing us fonder and stronger rather than forgetful.

Along with learning to communicate with words and to appreciate the value of distance, we learned to cherish every second together. Paul’s theory is when you’ve only got so much time, you better make it gold.

As much as I hated it at the time and thought it a totally useless experience, I can now say I’m thankful for those months apart. They prepared us for…now. Because here we are, four years into our marriage, and we’re both on the road much if not most of the time. If I’m not out on tour, Paul is on site somewhere monitoring a medical trial. Thank God we learned early on to appreciate a few moments together and let distance increase our love.

These past few weeks in particular have been so rough and desperate, we had to arrange a brief lunch encounter in the airport in the two-hour gap between when my flight landed and his departed.

But that’s the thing about time: it can be fleeting or it can be stretched, depending on how you use it. I’m still not very good at stretching seconds and soaking up every little moment. I prefer to wallow and dwell in the absence to come rather than revel in the Now together.

But I’m learning. Learning to appreciate moments…second glances…little smiles…hand squeezes…eye rolls…hugs and kisses…trips to the grocery…those last ten minutes in the car on the way to the airport. I’m learning to cuddle up next to him as tightly as I can and savor the flavor of his scent, and burrow down in the safety and warmth of his embrace.

And yeah, it sounds lame and gushy…but it’s everything when he’s gone.

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4 Comments so far
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because LOVE is ALWAYS worth it 🙂

Comment by sherina

I love that picture!

Comment by Amy

..thank you for writing this down, Amy..it really spoke to me and it’s so good when one can relate to one another isn’t it..
though on another level I’m on that same path..experiencing moments to the fullest..it’s a work in progress but Father is showing us how to..lúcky us..;-)

lóve the pic btw..it’s warm & tender..

Comment by Lin

Thanks for writing this. I just left Tim for a month and it is hard every single time. No matter how often I have to do it. It’s hard. And you do savor those last moments in the car, the holding hands, the hug and kiss. Those are my favorite parts of leaving him, and the indenialable rising in my heart when the moment of forced separation comes upon us. I have to beat it down otherwise, I’ll just walk into the airport a snotty mess and with security these days…anyway, you get the picture. I think I have just inspired myself another blog entry.

Love you! Be awesome on the road!!!

Comment by kensajolaw




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