Filed under: Uncategorized
I’ve had some of the best days, hours, moments of my life over the past six days, it’s true. But it turns out loneliness on the road has only one cure.
Yesterday was a tough day. It was long, I didn’t get much sleep, I was busy all day long up until our show at Rams Head Tavern, and then the evening was just a bit weird. The audience was amazing, and the whole event was a true blast. But something in me was off.
I’ve been missing Paul a lot. He’s been busy, traveling all over the country for work, flying here and there and everywhere and trying to get sleep and administrative work done in the mean time. We’ve talked and texted quite a bit, but with no face time and so much busy-ness, it’s just been tough.
So last night, after returning to the hotel utterly exhausted at 12:30am, I fully intended to burrow down in the covers and disappear within seconds, hoping all the while to awaken to a very sweet, long message from him about how much he misses and adores me, can’t live without me, etc etc etc. And surely, all would be well again.
But I couldn’t sleep. My heart was very awake with a craving. I wanted that message now.
Just turns out, I wasn’t needing it from Paul.
I began reading in the Psalms, gleaning some comfort for the road. I’m not feeling especially inadequate, or fearing I’ve missed my calling, or any of those other typical Amy fears. In fact, I’m not really fearing or fretting anything. On the contrary, I’ve never been more convinced of or at peace in the assurance that where I am is exactly where I am meant to be right now. It’s just that such assurance doesn’t cure road-loneliness.
Anyway, what I found was food for the soul. It wasn’t anything terribly amazing or groundbreaking; nothing new to my mind or heart. It was just Psalm 84:
“How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord. My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God! …Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. …Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere.”
And then, as I wandered through a few more chapters, I stumbled upon Psalm 86:11 –
“Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in Your Truth; Give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name.”
Like I said, they weren’t anything I’ve never read before, and they weren’t particularly “appropriate” to the days I’ve been facing. I just hadn’t realized exactly what my heart and flesh were crying out for.
What sweet and sudden sleep came in the assurance that, for all the great favor I’m enjoying right now from both God and man; for all the indescribable fun I’ve been having with Jen and Derek – on stage and off – on this most surreal of tours; for all the new fans I’ve met (and for all the CDs I’ve sold – woot!); nothing compares to the presence of Christ, and nothing is more conducive to my becoming what I’m mean to be than surrendering an undivided heart for Him alone.
Better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere.
9 Comments so far
Leave a comment
amy courts: en route 
Amy,
You are truly amazing person. It’s such a awesome feeling when we connect with God when we weren’t expecting it. I call those moments a God-thing. I’m glad that we got to meet you and see you play at the Birchmere. Although, after the show I don’t think we ever introduced ourselves, so you don’t know us by name just by face. I think that was a God-thing that we got to meet you. May he give you strength and the fullness of His love during your tour. God bless.
Gemma (Lisa and Trish’s sister)
Comment by Gemz Gray March 10, 2010 @ 10:22 pmAmy,
You are truly an amazing person. It’s such an awesome feeling when we connect with God when we aren’t expecting it. I call those moments a God-thing. I’m glad that we got to meet you and see you play at the Birchmere. Although, after the show I don’t think we ever introduced ourselves by name, so you don’t know us by name just by face. We just connected right away. You just know, you know.. I think that was a God-thing! May He give you strength and the fullness of His love during your tour. God bless.
Gemma (Lisa and Trish’s sister)
Comment by Gemz Gray March 10, 2010 @ 10:26 pmYes it is good to deconstruct ones own desires to find where the truly best source of satisfaction might be. So often we don’t know what it is we are really craving. I do sympathize from having been in a long-distance relationship with another believer in Christ. Seems that literally God had your name on this verse which he intended for you.
PS- the pretzel isn’t getting moldy or anything!
Comment by Cameron March 11, 2010 @ 12:01 amFirst of all, I’m praying for you. I always do…but I will continue to do so.
Second, I’m so glad the tour is going well. 🙂
Third, I’m so glad that God reached you through the Psalms. I’ll be praying for Paul and you as you’re apart.
See you soon!
Comment by Amy March 11, 2010 @ 7:23 amIt’s amazing how God ministers to us just how and when we need it. Thanks for sharing your heart. I’m praying for you. The road can be very lonely even though you’re surrounded by masses.
Comment by Mary Byers March 11, 2010 @ 10:28 amAmy, I’ve been listening to your music a lot lately. It’s wonderful. One of the best things Jennifer Knapp has done upon returning was introduce you to all of us. Thanks for your post from the road. It’s so cool how the most “mundane” (not that any of the Bible can really be mundane) verses can still speak to us in the perfect time and way. All the best to you. Keep having fun living the dream! 🙂
Comment by April Adams March 11, 2010 @ 10:44 amAmy, Thank you for sharing the work of the Spirit of God in you. It helps us out to hear and to resonate. AMEN!
Comment by Bill Russell March 11, 2010 @ 11:01 amwow..dear Amy..this brought tears in my eyes..thank you SO much for dáring to share these feelings and also letting us be part of the soothing balm of His presence..
be blessed & heaps of love,
Comment by Lin March 11, 2010 @ 11:48 amLin
Hi Amy, thanks so much for posting this and for the reminder that basking in the presence of God is better than the coolest experiences one may have in life. The Psalms are beautiful and really opens us up to the heart of God no matter what kind of day we are having. I really enjoyed seeing singing with Jen at Birchmere the other night — take care and loads of blessings an love for the rest of the tour & beyond!
Comment by lauretta08 March 13, 2010 @ 12:22 am