amy courts: en route

For Anyone Who’s Been Told to Be Something They’re Not
June 26, 2009, 2:18 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

To anyone who’s worked in an image-obsessed industry, tried to climb its ladders only to learn on the third rung that in order to climb to the fourth or higher, you must change your tune, your angle, your brush, your personality, your face or your entire system of belief and being.

To anyone who loves Jesus but has, by virtue of being human, disappointed Him and other human Jesus-lovers who believe one must look, act, dress, or think a certain way – their way – lest one be damned to an eternity of hellfire.

To anyone who’s been told or pressured or otherwise forced to be something you simply are not.

I have a song for you.

It’s called “Shiver.”

And thanks to the music mongrels at Microsoft Windows, you can download it for FREE right now.

But first, let me tell you why I wrote it and why you might appreciate it.

As a singer/songwriter whose songs and themes don’t tuck very well into either the mainstream or Christian markets, and whose audience is too eclectic and motley to nail down for advertising or marketing purposes…

As an artist who is as passionate about social justice, political idealism, and theological Truth as she is about music itself, and sees music as more of a tool to effectively and poetically present beliefs and ideas (rather than letting music being an end or goal in itself) …

As a person who has never quite belonged anywhere but been fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on your you see it) enough to at least find comfortable pockets in numerous corners…

As a woman who wants to love God, love others, be a good wife, and a good step mom, and still write songs that mean something; who wants to be a captivating performer without having to sacrifice artistry or shed clothing, and hopefully do it well enough, often enough, and powerfully enough to contribute to her family’s financial well-being…

As a Christian who has explored and for a time even engaged and adopted both fundamentalism and progression, legalism and liberation, reformed and emergent theology…

And as a Christ-follower who has done her best to decipher the line between Truth and lies, tolerance and narrow-mindedness, grace and justice, love and righteousness, and has yet to find anything but various shades of gray in the midst of and clouding it all…

From this, I wrote “Shiver.”

I wrote it as one who is tired of the game and all its arbitrary rules.

I wrote it about my own decision to press on and determine to do what I do, whether or not the cowboys with their big guns call me a trailblazer; whether or not the church – or the unchurched – agree with me, or even hear or care about what I have to say.

It’s about awareness…knowing I am clumsy and imperfect, and will never be a statuesque model for either the Christian or mainstream music industries. My eyes will always be crooked. My teeth un-braced. And I will never have a perfect 6-pack, or an hourglass figure, no matter how many trainers run me into the ground or how many makeup artists re-make my face. I will always be a little too merciful to the undeserving and a little too judgmental of the holy. I will always be slightly obnoxious. A breath of fresh air to some, and an unpleasant smell to others.
But I am who I am.

And I’ve quite come to like it.

It’s not about me anyway. It’s about calling and purpose and passion, and refusing to be stifled or tamed by humanity and its rules.

It’s about living in authentic belief, and standing firm. Recognizing the manipulation for what it is, and acknowledging that what I think I want, and what others say I (we) should want – really, what “everyone wants” – is really not all that desirable when it comes right down to it.

We are who we are, as God made us to be.

And “Shiver” is, simply, about being unashamedly and fearlessly His…and no one else’s.

“SHIVER” (Click to Download for FREE)
(c) & (p) 2008 Amalia Musica (SESAC)

You want to make me something else
It’s hard enough to be me
You want to wrap me up in bows
And put me on parade

But I’m not what you think
I’ll lose your rings
I’ll toss your string of pearls
I’m not your girl

And I thought you had everything I’d ever wanted
But I’m not for sale
And I won’t let you wrap me around your little finger
Pull your guns out, stroke the trigger
You won’t see me shake and shiver

There’s more to life than what you think
And there’s more to thinking
Than to doll up
For the prince of these

But you can’t hide your scars and bruises
You can’t just pretend the things you chose
Don’t own you know


You want to pull me into a fight
To prove I need you more than
I need to breathe


Pull your guns out and watch me
Pull your guns out and watch me closely
Pull your guns out, stroke the trigger
You won’t see me shake and shiver


1 Comment so far
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the part where you said, ‘I will always be slightly obnoxious. A breath of fresh air to some, and an unpleasant smell to others.
But I am who I am.’ was something i more than needed to hear/read. it’s okay if some people hate me and the way i do things and think i’m totally obnoxious. it’s good to be different. it’s so hard to be okay with yourself when you are around people who find you super annoying.

Comment by leanna jackson

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